Virgin Mary for sale on ebay... again

Her image that is... another Mary sighting up for sale on the worlds largest Auction site eBay.

Now I've seen everything. A while ago someone was trying to sell a half eaten grilled cheese sandwich with a toasted in image of the virgin Mary.... ah... no. But the bidding went wild on it!

I guess this guy is hoping to cash in on the same thing. This time some guy has found the the virgin Mary in his beer. Perhaps alcohol is one way to explain some of these Mary sightings - this one just looks like a bubbly stick figure - good imagination to call it Mary and sell a photo of it on ebay... I'll give him an A for creativity... that perhaps makes up for the failing grade he'd get in taste!

Maybe...

I really enjoy Google images and just for fun I thought I’d take a peek under the general heading of Christmas to see what pops up. 4 out of the first 100 images were actually Christian art and not Santa or trees. Four. That’s it. That means only 4% of what people first see about Christmas from this site, actually has anything to do with celebrating the birth of our Lord.

Though somewhat discouraged, I went to send an e-card. Hallmark also does e-cards and under the heading Christmas, there are 4 categories (listed in this order)

Classic – pretty pictures of wreaths and fires.
Humour – (actually it’s spelled without the “u” but I can’t do that…) cat’s in Santa hats, sumo Santa and snowmen
Cute – overly sentimental little bunnies circling giant trees and skating cartoon penguins
Religion is the lowest on the list.

Christ’s Mass, the whole notion of the Birth of our Lord… last on the list. But even these religious cards, there are only images of peace and serenity. No hint that this child will revolutionize the world. That he will upend the social norms and the cultures of the day in favour of love and compassion and a desire to serve our fellow human beings. I think we miss out on a lot when we don’t see the little manger in the shadow of the cross. If we only see the nice, quiet peaceful Jesus instead of the one who challenged religious authority and shook the foundations of the status quo, we’re missing out. We miss the Jesus who advocates for social justice, for the raising up of the valleys and the lowering of the mountains to establish a level playing field. If all we see is the Jesus of the Hallmark card, I can understand why the message he taught gets overlooked.

But then again, if we are able to see God in the face of a helpless child, that is an incredibly powerful message. If we can see God in the face of a helpless child, maybe we will be better able to see Christ in the face of someone in need of help. Maybe our instinct to look out for each other, and care for each other, like we would a helpless child, will kick in. Maybe we will be able to get past the trappings of the marketers this Christmas season and realize what is important. Family. Friends. Strangers. Maybe we will learn to not be afraid. Just maybe we will love more and stress out less. Maybe we will be able to live lives understanding the commandment to Love our neighbours as ourselves.

And just maybe we will be able to embrace the joy and wonder of the incarnation, of the Word made flesh who came to dwell among us and teach us what it means to love.

Just maybe…

Resources for poor students and those who don't want to buy the books!

I just came across an AMAZING resource -
http://www.religion-online.org/indexbyauthor.asp

it has some books reprinted online - no charge. Some are only a precis of the book, but some are the entire work!

Thought I'd just pass this along!

Tis the Season...

Today was a wonderful little service (well - not so little!) about 55 seniors came to the church today to celebrate Christmas, have sherry, lunch and a chance to chat with old friends. I got to preach - first time in the pulpit here. I have done sermons here before (most wednesday mornings) but I stand in the sanctuary and the congregation sits in the choir pews... standing in the pulpit is very different! But it went quite well - they could all hear me - it was wonderful! Here is my point form version of my sermon - I tried to not read it... it worked... for a bit - I have to work on that though...

Gospel: Luke 2:1-20

In the name of God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. Amen

There was a man whose wife got sick and tired of always being the one who always bought the Christmas presents for all the kids, nieces and nephews, so she decided to delegate this responsibility to her husband. The husband HATED shopping so he figured that he’d get around this pretty handily if he just wrote a cheque to each one. He bought some nice Christmas cards – you know the kind – the ones with Joseph, Mary and the baby Jesus on the front. So he wrote up the cards and said “Buy your own present!” packaged up the cards and mailed them off. He was so proud of himself – he had taken care of the entire shopping by the first of December. But as Christmas drew closer, he was getting a bit confused and a bit insulted that none of his nieces or nephews had written any thank you notes – his wife always got thank you notes. In fact, he noticed that they didn’t get nearly as many Christmas cards as he used to either. He was so perplexed that he went upstairs to his office to write a note to his favourite niece to see what happened. As he was moving boxes and papers out of his way, he saw it. A little stack of cheques. He had forgotten to put the cheques in the cards. That explained everything! Each of his nieces and nephews received empty cards filled with the words “Buy your own present!”

Without the cheque, the message takes on a whole other meaning!

In the account of the Birth of Jesus:
- The emperor calls for a census – everyone back to the town of your ancestors
- Mary travelling on the back of a donkey from Nazareth and Bethlehem
- They are turned away from the inns and given a place that had a manger where she could lay the baby when he was born
- Then the story goes out to the shepherds of the fields – and have visions of angels that tell them about the birth of the messiah in Bethlehem
- They go to see if it’s true
- All comes to a culmination of Mary and Joseph and a little baby wrapped in white cloth in an open air “barn” with cows and donkeys and other livestock sleeping curled up beside the baby. There is also often an angle hanging around at the roof – Gabriel – do not be afraid!

- This is the Christmas scene according to the greeting card companies

But just like the card that man’s family got – That’s only part of the story!
- Mary travelling stoically on the back of a donkey – 9 months pregnant
- between Nazareth and Bethlehem – 100 miles – did I mention she was 9 months pregnant??
- stable was probably a cave
- manger – hay – cows… lovely smell…
- If you’ve been in a barn – you know that the hymn we sang – Away in a Manger - that talks about “the Cattle are lowing” lowing is mooing… that is not a quiet thing especially in a CAVE! noise - animals
- smelly
- chaotic – for those of you who have had children – you know it’s not a peaceful calm setting!
This is God – Born into craziness.
Born into chaos.
Born into untideness.
Dirty, noisy, and messy.
Out of control.

Born to Mary who must have been scared out of her mind – here she is an unmarried 14 or 15 year old girl – a girl chosen by God to be the bearer of the messiah, the mother of the Christ child, the Prince of Peace. A simple girl that no one had ever heard of before – she could have said NO (in fact, I bet she wanted to say no!) But she didn’t. Though she didn’t have control over what happened. She embraced the words and said

“Here am I, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word”

Joseph didn’t have control over what happened either, but he chose to listen to the angel who came to him in the dream. He chose to embrace this crazy situation where he was not in control! He married Mary.

Mary was not in control – God was
Joseph was not in control – God was
We are not in control… as much as we would like to think we are – but God is.

God is born into our chaos.
Born into the untideness of our lives.
Born into the dirty, noisy, messy worlds we live in
Born into our out of control situations.

God was there in the beginning

God was there with Mary, and Joseph.

God was there in the manger.

God is with us here and now to teach us how to live,
how to love
and how to show an overwhelming compassion to everyone we meet.

May we all have the courage of Mary – to embrace the unknown and trust in the limitless love of God

To live our lives knowing that Jesus – the incarnate Word of God – is born into our messy lives and says

Do not be afraid to live.
Do not be afraid to laugh and cry and wonder.
Do not be afraid to love.

Do not be afraid.


Amen

visitors from the east

Actually I think they came from the south... but east sounded more biblical.

They came.

We chatted.

They left me tracts...

Who were they? Jehova Witnesses Actually Roseanne and Mary were two quite lovely ladies that I chatted with this afternoon... for almost 45 minutes.

Conversations about why they don't celebrate Christmas... Easter or Birthdays! They were adament about the dates of Christmas being wrong... but the problem they couldn't get past is the simple fact that I don't believe that my faith in any way hinges on the birth of the Christ child, the birth of Jesus the Christ on December 25 (according to the Julian calendar!). I think I perpelexed them. In fact I know that I did. But I must say - I did have an enjoyable time discussing what they believe and throwing in my, all inclusive, loving, accepting God, theology just to watch them squirm... and squirm they did! As they left, I wished them a joyous Advent (something else that they don't celebrate...) but if they are coming to my door, into my house... they are going to have to let me have the last word!

What an amusing afternoon!

Acclamation, Genesis, Advent and Lego

So - it's official (well actually it was official on Tuesday, but I've been existing on caffine and not having a spare moment to write about it!) Jonathan and I will be the incoming co-heads of Divinity for 2007-2008. There was technically no election - no one else ran, so we were acclaimed! Trinity has been a truly amazing experience for me. I felt instantly welcomed, at chapel, in class, and wherever I went. I have the co-heads, who served when I first started to thank. I usually enjoy being lost in the crowd. I'm not a centre of attention kind of person - I often don't seem to have much to say... but don't think I don't have opinions about things - I just choose to pick my battles! But they welcomed me - a scared wallflower - and if I can do that for someone else - how amazing would that be! I am truly looking forward to it!

Went to my first Lit debate last night, was sworn in and listened and laughed as my fellow Divs debated a very topical issue of today's society.

Be it resolved that Genesis is a better band than book.

When all was said and done the impassioned speeches from our current co-head and our chaplain won... the motion stood - Genesis is a better band than it is a book... at least according to the Lit!

Tonight is our Advent party, lessons and carols Div style. Everyone is welcome, so we will probably have some of the undergrads (mostly because they have a party later called "bubbly" where they consume copious amounts of champagne) we have a potluck that is byob, so I'm off to the liquor store for a suppliment to my scotch...

Here is an interactive web site... The Brick Testament - the bible told in comic book freeze frame lego images... truly bizarre - someone has WAY too much time on their hands!

One more week

Wow - I stopped for a moment today and came to the realization that there is only one more week of classes. ONE MORE WEEK! We did our oral presentation in Leadership in the Church tonight - it went quite well if I do say so myself! I have a PPOL essay due on Wednesday, and 3 more essays due on Monday - I'm most worried about the one for Studies in Anglican Theology - It has to be 15 pages and I have yet to choose a topic. I think I may have to ask for an extension... I really don't want to (you don't understand - I really don't want to!) because this may be the first year that I dont' have exams or have to work at Xerox... no year end for me!

There is a table of undergrads discussing the nature of God sitting next to me. It is getting to be quite a lively conversation - I think they are studying for an exam.... they are talking about the modes of God, the substance of God, dualism... It is quite amusing to eavesdrop as I sit here and type... It is lovely to hear actually! Ahh... nope - they are taking Philosophy - and discussing Descartes... but I digress...

I'm devising a story for the kids tomorrow - St. Nicholas. I need to devise something that (according to Fr. Myles) is linear in thought. Stories that progress from point A to B to C and build upon each other - something that is descriptive so they can visualize the story - so they can see it... for me - this is very hard! I have a wonderful imagination, but there is some sort of very frustrating block that prevents me from describing the scene that I see in my mind when I tell the story.... May this time be better!

O Come, O Come Emmanuel

Emmanuel - God with us...



O come, O come, Emmanuel,
And ransom captive Israel,
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appear.
Rejoice! Rejoice!Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Wisdom from on high,
Who orderest all things mightily;
To us the path of knowledge show,
And teach us in her ways to go.
Rejoice! Rejoice!Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Rod of Jesse, free
Thine own from Satas tyrnanny;
From depths of hell Thy people save,
And give them victory over the grave.
Rejoice! Rejoice!Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Day-spring, come and cheer
Our spirits by Thine advent here;
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night,
And death's dark shadows put to flight.
Rejoice! Rejoice!Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Key of David, come,
And open wide our heavenly home;
Make safe the way that leads on high,
And close the path to misery.
Rejoice! Rejoice!Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, O come, great Lord of might,
Who to Thy tribes on Sinai's height
In ancient times once gave the law
In cloud and majesty and awe.
Rejoice! Rejoice!Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Root of Jesse's tree,
An ensign of Thy people be;
Before Thee rulers silent fall;
All peoples on Thy mercy call.
Rejoice! Rejoice!Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Desire of nations, bind
In one the hearts of all mankind;
Bid Thou our sad divisions cease,
And be Thyself our King of Peace.
Rejoice! Rejoice!Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.

Thank you cyberhymnal for the lyrics...

I've always LOVED this hymn. Even before I came back to church, this felt like Christmas to me... well before I realized the reason for Advent (the little Lent). The advent - the coming of Christ among us, to dwell with us, and to be in us...

We were teaching the kids this hymn in Chapel on Tuesday and Wednesday of this past week - and we had them substitute the Hebrew word for Wisdom in verse two... so instead of singing "O Wisdom" we sang "Sophia" and you know what? One of the kids remembered that Sophia meant wisdom FROM LAST ADVENT! I tell you - these kids give me great hope and I am privileged to be able to be among them and teaching them!

So Come, Christ the King. Come, crucified, risen and ascended Lord. Come, Child Bethlehem - Into our hearts and minds and souls and lives that we may always know your presence with us. That we may know that in life, in death and in life beyond death, your grace, compassion and love abide with us... and within us.

On this, the feast of St. Andrew

I have been negligent in posting... and I'd continue the trend, but instead, here is the sermon I preached on St. Andrew... It'll have to do for now!

*********

In the name of God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Today we celebrate the feast of St. Andrew. Part of the oral tradition that surrounds the life of Andrew is remarkably similar to his brother Peter. Both were persecuted for their outspoken portrayal of the Gospel – for proclaiming the love of God – for continuing to live out and proclaim the Good News of Jesus Christ after his death, resurrection and ascension. Both Peter and Andrew were crucified in their death, both telling their executioners that they were not worthy to be crucified on the same cross style as Jesus, and persuaded them to alter the shape. Peter was hung upside down; Andrew is believed to have been crucified on an X-shaped cross. And about 300 years later it was thought that St. Andrew's bones were moved from Greece to "the ends of the earth" - Scotland… To commemorate the saint, Scotlands flag is in the shape of an X shaped cross.

But truly very little is actually known about St. Andrew. We do know that he was one of the twelve. In all the stories where disciples were named, Andrew was among them. Andrew was there for the teachings of Jesus, the miracles of bringing hurting people to a state of wholeness, the lessons of love and compassion that pervaded every encounter.

He is our witness to the incarnate love of God in Jesus Christ.

Andrew is mentioned by name only 12 times in the New Testament. Each Gospel has an account like the reading today where Jesus calls the first disciples - so that is four. Each Gospel also has a list of who all of the disciples are when they have all been called - that's another 4. The Book of Acts names him as being there in the upper room when the disciples chose Matthias to replace Judas. That's nine of the 12 leaving just three other accounts of St. Andrew - but each of these accounts has something in common with the next and they all come from the Gospel according to St. John.

There is the parable that describes a number of Greeks who wish to speak with Jesus, they approach Philip, who tells Andrew, and the two of them tell Jesus. Also, according to the Gospel of St. John, Andrew is also responsible for bringing Simon Peter to meet the one whom he calls the messiah – to meet Jesus. And then finally before Jesus feeds the Five Thousand, it is Andrew who says, "Here is a kid with five barley loaves and two fish."

Andrew brings the Greeks to Jesus, he brings Simon Peter to Jesus and he brings the young boy to Jesus. On each occasion when he is mentioned as an individual, it is because he is instrumental in bringing others to meet Jesus. He is bringing other people into the loving presence of the incarnate God. Isn't that what we are all asked to do? Through our words and actions, show forth the love and compassion of the crucified, risen and ascended Lord? We are to bring the love of God to everyone we meet and to share the story of faith so that people feel comfortable exploring the great questions in life.

Now, I can't think of anytime in my life that I've been sought out by a teacher to study with them. On the contrary, I have had to fill out applications and go for interviews – all things that I initiated. But other students are quick to tell you who to study with! Teachers don't seem to seek out students –but that is what Jesus did. The great teacher, the Rabbi from Nazareth, seeks out and calls his disciples to him. And as we heard today, Jesus issues both a command and a promise. The command to "Follow Me" is fairly straight forward.

But I think we do a great disservice to this story if we look at it merely in terms of fishing metaphors and desires to go out and convert people. One of the truly remarkable parts of the story is not only the promise to make them fishers of people, but the simple fact that these men, these fully employed, middle class men saw something so remarkable in Jesus of Nazareth, that they were willing to drop everything that they were doing to follow him. They were willing to let go of their possessions to follow this call from God. If you remember in the story, Andrew, Peter, James and John never actually say anything. They don't ask "where are we going" or "what do you want us to do" they simply get up and go. Jesus engendered such an incredible trust and hope that these men knew by faith that this is what they had to do. The next years of their lives are filled with everyday moments that became extraordinary through the teachings of Jesus. The miracles of wholeness; of trust; and of faith that they were witnesses to, and took part in.

This is how we honour the memory of the apostle named Andrew: by remembering his name as we tell the story of Jesus, the One who called both Andrew... AND US into the Jesus story and the never-ending love of God.

Amen

God and Palm Fronds

Picture it…

A young (well young is a relative term…) naïve, curious me walks into a church, my Baptist childhood roots trailing behind me. It’s a strange world filled with palm fronds hanging from the window ledges, in front of the altar, festooned around the pews and the pillars and strewn all over the carpeted aisles. I entered a strange world of church on Palm Sunday. A world with a community filled with compassion and of those actively living out the Gospel in their daily lives – well doing their best to do this! Then the invitation went out to attend services every night in Holy week, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday… The Gospel story stirred something deep within my being. It awoke a part of me that hadn’t felt life in such a long time. I took them up on the invitation. I came to the services – all of them – and I never looked back. That’s part of my story. Part of how I was reintroduced to God, to Christ, to community – to Church. That was 5 years ago.

Here’s what amuses for me. This story has now been adopted into the collective narrative of the church. It is my story, it is my entrance into the Anglican Church, but the parishioners have adopted it as “our” story. When they want to talk about successfully welcoming someone to the church – they tell this story. When they introduce me to visiting clergy – they tell this story. When they meet new parishioners – people who have just walked into the church for the first time in years or the first time ever, they tell this story. My story, has become our story – and I wouldn’t have it any other way. This community has helped shape me, has walked with me in darkness, sorrow, joy, pain you name it. They are my family, and I love them.

Someone just sent me this photo… This is Palm Sunday at St. George’s On-The-Hill. This is what I walked into. This is where the stories came back to life. Thanks be to God!

Affirmation of Faith

I found this quite lovely. I sometimes peruse the volunteer opportunities with the Iona Community - dreaming of when I can go back - the place calls me home... I miss it!

Here is the Affirmation of Faith as found in the August edition of the Coracle which is the quarterly magazine of the Iona Community

We believe that God is present
in the darkness before dawn;
in the waiting and uncertainty
where fear and courage join hands,
conflict and caring link arms,
and the sun rises over barbed wire.
We believe in a with-us God
who sits down in our midst
to share our humanity.
We affirm a faith
that takes us beyond the safe place;
into action, into vulnerability
and into the streets
We commit ourselves to work for change
and to put ourselves on the line;
to bear responsibility, take risks,
live powerfully and face humiliation;
to stand with those on the edge;
to choose life
and be used by the Spirit
for God's new community of hope.

Amen

By Jan Sutch Pickard (who was the Warden on Iona when I was a Volley there!)
and Brian Woodcock.

FREE HUGS

Side note to my previous post about the man who wanted to get us all to smile: He had said something that I didn’t know what to think about until I just got an email from a friend. He said I should have been here on the day that he had his “FREE HUGS” sign. I chuckled… thought to myself – what a strange thought. You know what? How sad is it that I thought this was a strange! Actually how pathetic is it that I thought this was odd.

A friend of mine just sent me this link. It is the beginning of the FREE HUG sign. I hope you watch it and are as moved as I was.

http://www.freehugs.org/

So go and hug somebody!

We Remember

In Flanders Fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place;
and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch, be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields

by Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae

SMILE

Thursday was a strange day. It was full of crises, crazies and just down right nonsense. I spent my day putting out fires. I welcomed 5 o'clock with such zeal you would have thought I was still working a Xerox! I went out for dinner with a friend and we wandered through the mall window shopping. I have discovered that I am getting old. I remember the return of a trend! I would have NEVER thought that the shoes from the 80's would have resurfaced, but much to my eternal dismay - they have - and I found myself saying - "I had a pair of boots like that in highschool - I should have kept them they would have been in style again."
Whoa!!!
Yes folks, those words came out of my mouth. I guess you really do become your mother at some point in time - apparently that time for me was Thursday November 9th somewhere around the 8pm mark...

We had fun. It was nice to relax and just chat about something else - anything else!

When I was driving home, I exited the 401 at the Bayview exit and rolled to a stop about 12 cars from the light. There was a homeless man (actually that is a strange term - I don't know that he is homeless - but it seems to be the generic term for people who have a sign and are looking for financial assistance.) That is one of the things that has been happening recently. People stand in the middle of intersections and walk down past cars as they wait for the light to turn green. They usually have a sign something like this:

'homeless and hungry, please help'

But this guy was different - his sign was about 4 feet wide and 2 feet tall and all it said was "SMILE"

Who knows what his situation was, but he is a born marketer. the ends of his sign actually folded in to hide the message and he started walking to each car and unfolded it for each person. I know I thought I would read something like the first sign above, and when he unfolded it with a great flourish and a HUGE grin of his own, I know I had a huge smile on my face. He did ask for change and I did give him some just as the light changed colour. It was a cold night so I went over to the local Tim Hortons and bought him a coffee got a bag with all the fixings, cream sugar, milk, stir sticks, and went to take it over to him. But in order to do that, I had to go back on the highway - the other direction, exit at Yonge St, then get back on the eastbound 401 and exit at Bayview again - cause he was talking to people as they exited the offramp! So I pull up, and he said "back for another smile?"

I said - "yours - yes! but I can't offer you another one - this one hasn't left yet!"

We both laughed, I gave him the coffee and we talked for a few minutes. When the light turned green the chorus of horns behind me forced me onwards.

What an interesting way to end a crazy day, I had someone who society tells us doesn't have much to be joyful, about tell me to SMILE. I'm glad I met him - he had a rather profound effect on me. wow.

Ministry of presence.

What an honour it is to serve parishioners. To be able to facilitate worship through prayer and song and administering the host to the congregation in the morning, to conversations at coffee hour, it is truly an amazing privilege. One friend has not been able to be at church for various health reasons, and this afternoon his wife asked me if I would bring him communion at home. We sat in their living room, talked, prayed, and with his family, we shared in the bread and wine of holy communion from the reserve sacrament. I’ve never done this by myself before, and I know I will never forget the feeling of connectedness with God and with that family. Kairos time – God time.

I have to admit, I’m still kinda speechless.

up there without one...

Welcome to my weekend. I'm up there without one...

I have two 10 page essays due monday, one for my class in Death, Dying and Grief, and the other was due last week in my Leadership in the Church class. I have an essay proposal for studies in Anglican Theology (pre-cursor for a 15 page paper) I have to write a sermon that will be delivered twice (only because I'm not writing another one for the next day... different congregation - it will be OK!) I have to write an extended version of my obituary as if I died yesterday - the globe and mail publishes a section called "Lives Lived" and we are to pattern ours after that! I also have to present a saint in Chapel to the grades 1-4's and the same saint in a different formate to the grades 5-8's in chapel.... I also promised to write the blurb for church that goes on the back of the announcement sheets... You'll love this - it's called "Things to read if the sermon is boring!" I didn't make that up - that's there EVERY week!

I really want to know where that store is... I need some of their merchandise to get me through this weekend!

Good news is that I'm feeling more human after ACPO!

ACPO and Inductions

So this past weekend found me sleeping little, pacing lots and the whole ordeal set to an absolutely stunning backdrop of carolinian forest filled with deer and rabbits and birds. Canterbury Hills is wonderful (even if the beds are glorified tumbling mats, and my room wasn't really heated...) I hear that the facility (excluding the cabins) is very comfortable. So my lack of sleep had me pretty punchy this morning - good thing the letters had already been written. If you have ever found yourself praying for patience, don't do it before an ACPO conference because it will surely be tested! (ACPO = Advisory Committe on Postulants for Ordination).

And the culmination of many hours of navel gazing and talking about myself (something I find difficult sometimes to do!) is this

This applicant is recommended at this time for postulancy.

The rest of the letter makes me blush, but is wonderfully affirming.

I think the hardest part of the day is knowing that some went away with the opposite kind of letter. One that suggested that their gifts and talents might be better used in a capacity other than priestly ministry. We then had to sit down and have lunch with each other. That was tough. Lives were changed by the simple addition of the word "NOT" in that above sentance. Peoples plans were broken, and part of their tapestry of dreams started to unravel. I keep them in my prayers - and hope that you will too.

My friend was also inducted into her first parish tonight. It was beautiful and moving and Hundreds of people came to show her our love and support for her ministry. We took a bus full of about 40 people and had a great time.

My bed is calling my name - I'm going to go to sleep! Good Night!

humor to mask the nerves...

I got home at a horrifically late time yesterday... and I was left this limerick with my mail....

There once was a man who said damn!
I am forced to concede that I amn
a creature that moves
In predestinate grooves
in fact, not a bus, but a tramn!


Tonights was just as amusing!

There once was a vicar from Ryde
Who fell down a sewer and died
Then his silly old sexton
Fell into the next one
And now they’re interred side by side


ACPO tomorrow... hence the nerves....

100th post

I thought my 100th post would be more interesting.

Apparently not.

However, here is a link that struck my funnybone.

iGod the online confessional/repentence tool.... enjoy!

Warning!!!

I got to the church first this morning. Went in the side door, started unlocking the building, turning on lights and the organ. I walked down to the back of the church to open the main doors, and as I pushed them open, I found a note taped to the outside. We have been refinishing the doors, so I thought it was just a wet paint sign or something like that... but apparently not! Instead I found a flouresant green LAMINATED notice duct taped to the door. This is not exactly what it said - only a paraphrase, but you'll get the point... Religion can make you crazy... You can't make this stuff up!!!

WARNING

to church leaders

Since you are incapable

of leading the people of this world

to the Kingdom of God,

I will have to do it.

I am taking control of the church

Remember the 7 seals?

I am the woman of Rev 5

Jesus Christ will either be your saviour

or your destroyer

Then she listed her web-site, her full personal name (and bizarre title of apocalyptic woman or some such nonsense) and her phone number. We called the number - there is voicemail - regular voicemail like it was a home... so strange!

Perhaps she fancied herself a modern day Martin Luther...

sticky notes and cue cards

Mornings in my house are lovely. I often find a little verse or poem or limerick taped to the mirror in the bathroom – a gift from my Great Uncle. I want to keep a record of these – they're good, so periodically I'll post them – some have authors, others do not, so I'll let you know what I know. He just keeps them in his head…

Abou ben Adam (may his tribe increase!)
awoke one night from a deep dream of peace,
And saw, within the moonlight of his room,
Making it rich, and like a lily in bloom,
an angel, writing in a book of of gold.
Exceeding peace had made Ben Adam bold,
And to the Prescence in the room he said:
"What writest thou?" The vision raised its head,
And, with a look made of all sweet accord,
Answered, "The names of those who love the Lord."
"And is mine one?"said Abou, "Nay, not so,"
Replied the angel. Abou spoke more low,
But cheerily still, and said, "I pray thee, then,
Write me as one who loves his fellow men."
The angel wrote, and vanished. The next night
It came again, with a great awakening light,
And showed the names whom love of God had blest,
And lo! Ben adam's name led all the rest.

***************************************

A harpist must have
lots of pluck
A black silk costume
And a truck
By: Ogden Nash

***************************************

There once was a lawyer named Rex
With diminutive organs of sex
When charged with exposure
He replied with composure
"de minimis non curat lex!"

***************************************

A lady form southern Australia
Once went to a dance as a dahlia
But the petals revealed
What they should have concealed
And the dance – as a dance – was a fahlia!

***************************************

The wife of the Vicar of Tring
Who, when asked by the Bishop to sing
Replied "Ain't it odd
I can't even tell 'God
Save the weasel' from Pop goes the King'"

***************************************

Then a note from his father
Pa Mitchell on lighting a campfire

As fuel is brought to the fire,
So I purpose to bring
My life, and my strength and my heart's desire
To the fire of humankind
For I would kindle, as my fathers have kindled,
and my father's fathers since time began,
the flame that is called the love of man for God,
and the love of man for man.

The system

Bet you knew there was a system.
I didn't.

Apparently the system surrounds the racket of people who come every month into the church looking for help. Looking for money, food or subway tokens. It's their system. Not mine.

"you will always have the poor."

I was informed that a man was coming in today to get his tokens. 10 of them. It was his due. He always got 10 tokens. How dare I question that deal.

Someone else said they wanted a food voucher.

I'm a senior and I can't support myself, can I get some assistance?

All told I have spoken to 5 people looking for assistance today. All the churches in the area keep lists of names and amounts and tokens by name and date. They are the same people.

Yes, there are people who geuninely only need some assistance for a couple of months - but these are the regulars.

How did they get there? How did society fail them? What did they feel like the first time they had to come to a church to ask for help? How do they stop relying on easy money? How do they become self-sufficient?

Do they want to?

How do I reconcile that with the call of Jesus to feed the hungry, clothe the poor and not succumb to the doormat theology where people take advantage of the stewardship and gifts that the parishioners have entrusted me with?

Outreach - bookstyle and practical

Today we took the members of the DARE group in our youth group (the kids we took to Maine) to the Diocesan Outreach Conference. They were pretty much the only kids - in fact - I felt very young in contrast to those who attended! Spent the morning in the HIV/AIDS session - learned a scary new statistic - the fastest growing infection rates in North America are among girls/women between the ages of 15 and 29. What are we doing wrong that the message about safe sex is not getting across???
The afternoon I spent listening to how to grow outreach in various size parishes. Small/Rural to mid size suburban, to large corporation style. Very interesting, and may someday be very useful!
Then we celebrated the Eucharist with Bishop Johnson... when it was all over, he came up to our little enclave of youth and thanked us for coming. He expressed an honest desire to see the youth become involved and was glad we could come.

I truly shake my head when I recall what happened next.

We decided to have a group photo, and asked the Bishop if he would be in it with us. Keep in mind, he is still in his full regalia - alb, chasuble, stole, mitre and staff....
He handed the staff to one of the kids to hold, one of the other kids asked if he could try on the "Bishop's Hat". A bit stunned by the request, Bishop Johnson recovered admirably and said sure. So the kid removed his baseball hat, put on the mitre, and said - 'you should wear my hat'. So we have a photo (coming to me soon I hope!) with myself, our youth pastor, the bishop (wearing a baseball hat with his vestments) a kid in jeans and a mitre, another kid holding the staff and two other teenagers - we 7 made a very motley crew!

Tonight we had a double feature movie screening of Mrs. Doubtfire and Hitchcock's Rear Window at the church. We erected a huge screen against a tree in the cemetary at the church, set up speakers, a table for the popcorn machine, chocolate and hot chocolate and one for the proxima to play the movie. A couple of rows of chairs and we were off to the movies! There was no wind, and aside from the fact that it was only 5 degrees outside - it was a blast! Families were bundled up in coats and sleeping bags, others were huddled together drinking the hot chocolate. There were about 25 people for the first showing and the second one dwindled down to the youth group - but all in all I would say this was a truly ingenius mode of outreach. We decided to do it again in the spring when the weather is warmer. Practical outreach - the opportunity presented itself... and we took up the challenge!

I think one of my favourite parts of the evening was seeing all these teenagers huddled up watching an old movie. I served them a last shot of hot chocolate, and was given such warm appreciative smiles from each kid. How cool is that?

NOOOO!!!!!!

Laura doesn't look happy.

It snowed in Sarnia today... SNOW!!! It's only October!!!

Apparently the suggestion of making a snowman didn't help.

Shhhh.... don't tell her it's sunny here!

I'm replacing my whine with wine

After 3 weeks of terror – finally success! I preached today – completely free from notes – and success! I got it all out – I didn’t forget my train of thought, nothing! Last week was miserable – I forgot all about St. Francis – at least the parts I was going to tell! But today I preached on the Lord’s Prayer. “Our Father… Abba… daddy…” We met for our bible study afterwards and I heard being discussed over coffee before we started… “well, it’s like Kristen was saying…” I guess they truly were listening – WOW!

There was even a new addition to our little group in the form of a young (mid-twenties) woman. She and I had a good chat, and she’s going to join us for liturgy tonight and the wine and cheese party later – mmm… cheese. Speaking of which - I should go help set up the hall!

Giving Thanks

I’m finding myself at loose ends today. Lots of things I could do, but I’ve been thinking about the things that I’m thankful for – partly because of the weekend this is, and partly because I simply recognize that I am alive.

I wake up every morning with the words ‘this is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it’ on my lips in extraordinary thanks that I am able to get out and live today. That I’m going to make mistakes, that I’m going to learn from them and that I’m going to do whatever I can to make someone else’s day.
I’m thankful for my family and their love.
My close friends and their acceptance of my quirks
My acquaintances and the way they challenge me to growth.
For the privilege to learn and study.
And for the joy of trying new things, fearing failing, but trying anyway.
For a loving community in which to wrestle and struggle about issues of faith and love.

This is just a mini list – if I truly wrote down everything and everyone that I’m thankful for, I would never get out and BE, ‘cause I’d spend the rest of my time writing!

So - on that note - I'm going for a walk to enjoy a bit of creation - you should too!

Excuse me???

I'm sick and tired of all this crap. I came across this to my ultimate horror. It's an actual counter (that counts in decimals may I add... not sure how 0.4 of you can die or who decided the rates of death... but that is the least of the craziness on this stupid "counter") the part that I loved was the part where all these people are going to hell - so get out there and save their souls! KIDDING!
Alright - you found me out. I don't believe in Dante's version of Hell. I don't believe that the "unsaved" will burn forever in the fiery pits. I don't buy the notion that God will abandon his beloved, and if you read St. Paul - for I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.' from a little letter to the Romans - I don't get it. If this is to be the measuring stick by which we are to understand the eternal love of God, how did we so distort this image into notions of eternity in the fiery pits of Hell await those who don't believe?
To understand Hell, scholars point to the valley of Hinnom where child sacrifice was once practiced. In order to appease the Gods, babies were sacrificed and their bodies burned. This practice was condemned, the valley made illegal and it subsequently became a big 'ole garbage dump. Problem was, that the way the winds swept around the valley, the fires never went out - they became the unquenchable fires of Gehenna - or hell on earth. THAT is hell. Not some mythological place in the depths of the earth with some guy with horns and a pitch fork. Karen Armstrong said it right when she said 'what is the fun of religion unless you can look down from the parapets of heaven at the unfortunates roasting below.' She points us to our systematic abuse, one-upmanship and absolute narrow-minded ego points to the understanding that only we have the way to God - and it's our way or the highway. Smart woman. Now if only we can get these televangelists that prey (pray?) on the weak and the vulnerable off the air, we may be able to get back to what matters. What matters is how we treat each other. How we live our lives HERE and NOW. Bring about the kingdom of God in our communities, and in the world - NOW - not because we fear roasting for all of eternity in some mythical pit of fire - but because as Christians we are called to live out our beliefs - not just some pious crap on Sunday, but truly go out, get our hands dirty - weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice.
May I be known for my actions.
Something kinda related from the news: The pope is doing away with the concept of limbo where Roman Catholics were once taught that this is the place where unbaptized babies go... in a state of perpetual happiness, but not in the presence of God. Lookie here - human assumptions about the afterlife - called into question... who'da thunk it.

The death of my tree.

I looked outside the window this morning and as usual it was pitch black. I left the house just as the sun was beginning to peek over the horizon line. I love sunrise. This morning however was a bit different. I looked around and noticed that... wait a minute... the leaves on the trees are turning colours already! Fall is my favourite season, crunching leaves under my feet, the smell of fires creeping into the neighbourhoods. Good stuff. But when did this happen???

Now I know the science as to why the leaves turn colours and fall off the trees - the storing of energy, dormancy stages - ways of surviving the winter keeping the lifeblood of sap stored deep within the trees. But it's little help when I know the reason that my tree has no leaves is because it died this summer. What tree you ask? Well, I suppose it was mum's tree first, but she has been watching it for so long, it became my tree too, and in fact, I learn that it had become the tree of many sarnians. Technically it is in the middle of a field on Lakeshore road between Brights Grove and Camlachie in southwestern ontario - right in the middle of a crop of soy beans and just down the road from home - my parents home. It is a majestic elm tree that survived the first bout of Dutch elm disease and has been cared for and studied by the university of Guelph for years, so they could figure out why it survived.

Here is a photo of it last winter - my sister and I put together a series of photo's - one from each season. Isn't it gorgeous!

So even though this is the time that the leaves fall, and the trees store up their potential for the coming spring, there is something sad about this one, for I know it won't be bursting forth with buds after the winter ends. Rumour has it (and small towns are wonderful sources of rumours) that the owners are planning on just letting the tree naturally fall as opposed to cutting it down. There is something beautiful about that, almost like a good death for the tree. My dad (who builds BEAUTIFUL furniture) is going to offer to make the owners a table out of the wood if they would like one - a harvest table - a rather fitting memorial.

(hmmm... I think I've been reading too much for my death dying and grief course!) But you know what? I'm really going to miss that tree - we would sometimes even drive out of our way just to check on it - now there is nothing to check on, and its sad.

Delayed Friday post...

I think I'm going to LOVE fridays.

Every other one I get to spend the first hour of my day with 400 (yes four hundred) kids from grade 1 to grade 8 in Chapel. They do announcements, someone reads the scripture, we sing hymns (to varying speeds on the organ... depending on just how fast the organists fingers can go - it is not uncommon that she can play faster than we can get the words out!)

Chapel ends with a prayer for the school, the grace and the singing of this:

Laudate Dominum, Laudate Dominum
omnes gentes,
Alleluia

(rest, rinse and repeat - sometimes in English)
Sing praise and bless the Lord, Sing praise and bless the Lord
Peoples, nations,
Alleluia

Unless of course you are in grade one or two and can't read Latin (perhaps I should extend this to people at my age... but I digress), you may have been heard singing:

Long may the donkey run, Long may the donkey run
onward, gently
Alleluia!

But you know what? It makes more sense to someone who speaks English as opposed to Latin! However, I thought I was going to split a seam trying to keep my laughter in! If you have ever had a terrible day or a terrible week, there is something so wonderful about hearing that many kids sing. It truly has the ability to raise anyone's spirits!

tales from the chapel

I always thought I was a morning person. Not that I enjoyed getting up at an early hour, but more that I function better in the morning. I think that is still the case, but I'm being forced into becoming an early morning person. I leave the house at 7 to make it to the church for chapel at 8:30. I like to give myself a bit of a cushin to the detriment of my sleep patterns - and now that the adjustment is permanent - I caught a cold and I can't stop sneezing. I feel fine, I just don't sound it!

Chapel is a wonderful adventure. I had to introduce myself to the kids this past week. Who would have thought I would have been nervous in front of 200 kids? I used to volunteer in public schools to help teach kids - the kids don't scare me... talking about myself in front of all of them does! Apparently the first day I didn't talk long enough, and the rector said 'ahh, a woman of few words - very rare!' and the second day - it was a little better, he just said 'now let's see if she can read!' We (me, kids and teachers) all broke out laughing... especially since reading (much to my surprise) is well within my comfort zone. Strange to hear those words from my mouth, but it's true - reading doesn't scare me anymore. The joys of learning how to not be as shy as I truly am. But it is so hard to do!

I preached my first sermon without notes and realized halfway through, that I had completely forgotten a whole section. Not ready for no notes yet... but I tried it!

I'm off to get stuff ready for next chapel on Wednesday - it's nice that Monday is a holiday - since all my classes are on monday, I get a week off school :-)

Bishop Blesses

News today of Archbishop Terence Finlay (retired bishop in Toronto) causes me to cheer from the sidelines. This past summer he officiated in a service at a United Church where he blessed the union of a same sex couple. He has now been sanctioned by Bishop Colin Johnson - who I'm not sure had much of a choice in the matter - because the Church still does not officially condone or bless same sex unions.

From the news: Finlay told the Anglican Journal he did not officiate as a "publicity stunt" to force a debate on the issue in Canada, though his views on same-sex marriage have developed in the years since he fired Jim Ferry, a Unionville minister. (in 1991)
"Life in the church was very different in those days," he said. "I married two people who love each other deeply; they care about the church and I believe their commitment has been blessed by God."

"I think our church has waited a long time and has discussed this issue over and over and in this particular situation, time just run out for me. For me now, this issue has moved from one of unity to one of justice."

More information can be found on the Anglican Journal site


Apparently it is now being seen as a human rights issue - Don't know what you think - but I think it's been a human rights issue for too long. Thank you Archbiship Finlay!

whole wack of stuff

I learned something very valuable about ministry today. I learned just how much fun it truly can be! I started the day helping make breakfast for 50 people. They are the sidespeople who are responsible for greeting everyone who enters the church from those who come most weeks, to those who haven’t been in a while to those who have never set foot in a Christian church before. Their ministry of hospitality is one so key to any parish, I just can’t stress it enough. I was privileged to serve them breakfast this morning, chat and catch up.

Then we proceeded out to the cemetery with a whole bunch of dogs, one cat and one fish for the blessing of the animals (thank you St. Francis of Assisi). What an amazing site, to see just how much people change when they are around their pets. If only we could treat each other like we treat our pets – the world would be a better place!

Next came a wedding with about 150 guests. It was beautiful, everyone looked so happy and I learned how to kibitz with a nervous groom. He decided pacing was to be his form of exercise for the day, and practically wore a hole in the vestry carpet. But when the wedding began, it was a beautiful presentation of love. You could almost feel it in the room. They both kept giving each other almost knowing looks and they flirted with each other throughout the service and it was actually very heart-warming.

Then we had a rehearsal for the baptisms tomorrow – there will be 5 of them. 1 teenager, 1 father and his son and 2 other babies. How cool is it to have a father be baptised with his son?

I think this has been one of the best birthdays I have had, because I got to spend it serving others. This notion didn’t however come without a bit of navel gazing this afternoon! At first I was kinda irritated that I couldn’t do what I wanted on my birthday, that I couldn’t go home to Sarnia, spend time with my family and friends. I was stuck doing ‘stuff’ at the church. I rarely begrudge doing things there, but you know what, earlier in the week, I was dreading today – I wanted it to be about me!

Now let me make one thing perfectly clear. I think I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m afraid. I’m scared to even entertain the possibility that I have absolutely no idea what I’m getting myself into! This is probably the last thing on the face of God’s green earth that I ever, even in my wildest dreams, EVER thought I would be doing. Me – becoming a priest??? Na….. I think I often wonder if other people will see this side of me. I wonder what other people think of this. I wonder how many of them think that I’m nuts! How many can see into the depths of my mind and understand just how absurd a concept this whole becoming a priest thing is – even to me – especially to me! I guess I’m worried about being found out as a fraud… ‘cause who am I to even think that I could entertain the notion of becoming a priest. Then I have a day like today. A day where the whole picture starts to become less blurry – just for a second – and I catch a glimpse of the truth. This has absolutely nothing to do with me. I’m here, I’m offering myself in service to God and to everyone I meet. I get it. Took me a while. But I get it. I know I’ll forget it again soon – and I hope I can count on another day like today will come along to remind me that I really do understand!

the font, wood and promises

Here's a picture of the baptismal font in the abbey church on Iona, just struck me as just the thing to post today. It's particularly appropriate since today is the 5th anniversary of my baptism. Happy Birthday me! (and ironically I get to leave that message tomorrow on my actual birthday!). I have an annual tradition of lighting the baptismal candle I was given that day, and reflecting upon the past year. I won't post that here and bore you, but it truly has been a remarkable year.

So I looked it up on the handy dandy internet and found out that the symbol for a fifth anniversary is wood, so I'll tell you a brief story about some wood! Don't know if you remember or not, but earlier, I told you about my uncle and his woodworking talents. Well yesterday was the first time the processional cross that he re-did was used in the school's chapel. He was invited to the service, where the priest sanctified the cross for use in the church and the whole school had put together a thank you book for my uncle. The background of the pages was the shape of the new cross and each kid put their finger print and signed their name next to it. These pages were all bound in a handmade book... with.... you guessed it... a wooden cover. He was so overwhelmed that this meant so much to these kids. When I get a photo, I'll post it - it truly is beautifully crafted!

A lot has changed in the past 5 years, but the promises I made that day are ones that I still try to live out, everyday.

Death: study of & reality of

I'm surrounded by people who are sick, or dying or grieving the loss of something or someone. As my friend said "Welcome to parish ministry!" I'm on an emotional rollercoaster... not at the point that I want to get off, but somewhere hanging upside down wondering if I'm going to scream or hurl. I think given my abject opposition to hurling - I'm going to find myself doing a lot of screaming. I came to school tonight to see if there were any friendly faces that I could vent with for a moment, I couldn't get a word in edgewise. I need to find a place to vent and I need to find another someone who just wants to go out for the night and chat - drink - eat - laugh... and NOT talk about all the stuff. Just take a moment and see if I could go back to my other life - my life before I started down this path - my life when it made sense and I (thought... misguided as it were) that I had control over what happened! I don't want to trade in or otherwise change any of the challenges I've faced, but I want to relax and breathe in some naïvety.

But reality is all to real. Cancer strikes again. Always too young. Always with too much to do, to see and to love.
I pray for the repose of the soul of Cindy Manson.
Rest eternal grant to her O Lord, and let light perpetual shine upon her. May her soul and the souls of all the departed forever rest in peace. Amen.

Linens, Death and the goodness of Questions!

A-ha! I discovered that the lack of linens after Div week was not my fault after all! I had been doing them wrong for the past year! I thought we did them the week after chapel team = apparently (as it turns out) we do them the week we are ON chapel team. So I'm off the hook! The linens were not my fault! Ahh.... relief!

I sat on the steps of Trinity Library yesterday. I had to make an interesting phone call yesterday to Turner and Porter, a funeral home in the west end of Toronto to see if I could set up a tour/visit for my class in Death, Dying and Grief. It apparently has to include the preparation room - she wasn't sure if that was possible and so is going to give me a call back. After I hung up, there was an undergrad out smoking who asked if he heard me right... was I a Div and was I trying to arrange a tour of a funeral home? Well - he heard right and it opened up the door for a very interesting conversation. He informed me that he was a very committed atheist - but that he believed that there is the possibility that there is a God. He was quite open to the possibility. He was raised in a Christian home, with Christian values, in a largely Christian society here in Canada. He said he just couldn't swallow all of the religious rhetoric and literalisms. For the most part, I just listened throwing in a few comments here and there - 'just because I'm a christian, doesn't mean that I've shut off my mind', 'I've often wondered if being an atheist means you have to have more faith than I do as a Christian!' and my favourite little quote from Ann Lamont 'the opposite of faith is not doubt, but certainty.' Our little chat ended when he said that I'd given him something to think about.
Good.
Thinking is Good.
Wrestling, struggling, wondering, pondering, questioning... IS GOOD.

I've missed Trinity - glad to be back here!

klutz

Aaaauuuuggghhhh!!!!

I'm disorganized at the moment and I don't know how to fix it yet! I've lost my calendar and all the lovely little reminders that pop up telling me what I have to do and when - that my secret to getting everything done... WRITE IT DOWN... I need to find a new place to write it down - I'm not really sure how to go about getting myself organized again! I just realized today that I owe someone a HUGE thank you - I had written down that I was to do the linens on my outlook after orientation week - my outlook on my old work account - on a computer that I don't have anymore... and apparently once it was there - I forgot about it completely!
I can't wait for the weekend to straighten this out - but wait - I have to go to the diocese on saturday. Well crap. crappety, crap, crap - to use the technical terms.

How do you do it - anybody out there - give me some examples of what you do to stay organized

UPDATE
- I have an organizer now I have put everything in it - now all I have to do is remember where I put it... hmmm.....

phew.

That's it. Finished. Div week is over - and now classes can begin! Planning services and making sure everyone shows up and remembers what they are doing it harder than it looks - but I'm glad I took that on.

I wish some days that I had inherited my dad's laissez faire attitude, and could use the saying "in the fullness of time" to describe when I'll get things done, but right now - I can't...

So much to do... but it will be fun - otherwise... what's the point?

to sleep or not to sleep...

ahhh... yes... that is the question.

but sleep - why are you so elusive?

why do you mock me from early morning mattress commercials that taunt me with slogans of a quiet restful sleep?

why can I not find you when I need you - yet have difficulty fending you off in the middle of some conversations.

Oh welcome sleep - friend... where art thou?

sleep - the newest four letter word

First day back to school - it's good to be back! I officiated at morning prayer, read at this evenings Eucharist, and spent several hours at the pub chatting. I just got home and thought "I'm good and tired now... maybe I'll sleep tonight - I'll just check my email before I go to bed."

If you ever have that inclination... don't do it. If you're really tired - just go to bed. Trust me! The alternative can only bring something that will keep you up. Now, I don't know how well I'll sleep tonight... again.

So remember back in July when I said I had to go to a weekend long retreat and be subjected to various forms of torture (actually just interviews... but rather important ones!) This is the place where the church takes the next kick at the can in deciding if I am "good news" for the church. Well - that was supposed to be in May 2007 - lots of time - far away - nothing to worry about at the moment. I got a note a couple of weeks ago saying that they may have a spot for me in October. Well - I got the note today and apparently I am off to ACPO for sure in October (not May - they bumped me up...) Good or Bad - not sure - I'm not going to ask - I don't really even want to speculate. I want to say this will be fun, but the butterflies in my stomach are starting to feel more like birds. Really big birds. Chickens to be precise...

Centre Island

I went over to Centre Island for the first time ever. What a beautiful place - and what a great view of the city! That is how I like to see Toronto - from a distance - separated by a lake! We took the ferry across to the RCYC (Royal Canadian Yacht Club) for lunch. There were about 15 of us there - and a good time was had by all! We wandered around the boats - one was called "deus ex machina" Latin for God as machine... the spark that started things rolling on or a person who intervenes to solve a problem at the last minute - definately not a Christian theology... and if truth be told a rather strange thing to name a boat!

where are you?

Actually I know where she is... Laura... I just haven't talked to my sister for two weeks - she's been off teaching at NMC That's her - bet she doesn't know the photo's from last week's camp are already on the web... hehehe... smile... or rather play your flute!

Somehow I miss her colourful words of wisdom like
"...the only Bush I trust is my own..."
or more accurately - when I get in a mood like yesterday - she'd be the first one to tell me to
"Suck it up Princess!" and somehow she gets away with that.

Come home chiquita - I miss you!

little deaths...

We enter into this world crying, we leave this world as others cry and in between there are little deaths and resurrections that make life worth living. Today is my last day at a job, surrounded by people I have come to love so very dearly. I have been with them when family members die. I have watched their kids grow up. I have leaned on them when my dad was so sick. I have laughed with them, joked around with them and loved them all (even when I didn't always like them all!)

Today is one of those little deaths. And today is also a little resurrection. A glimmer of hope. A spark of life beyond the walls of this pink palace that I have come to know so well. A little adventure into the next phase of life. A chance to laugh and dance and sing with a whole new group of people. I want to say that I won't love them like I love these folk, but I know that's not true. They will enter into my heart and I will love them.

But right now, I think I need another box of kleenex to catch the tears.

Courage?

You never know how what you say will affect the lives of others. I have now had two people take me aside privately and tell me very personal stories about how what I said affected their lives. Not just simple things - profound, ground shaking, perspective altering change - all rooted in living out the Gospel. The first was from a woman whom I met a few years ago and had lost contact with, she was angry, hurt and distressed after a very messy divorce. She went on a retreat and I saw here there. She went on another, and I happened to be there too. We talked, we laughed, we cried and she feels able to get on with living - and finding ways to give back to others who find themselves in the same situation she did.

The second happened at a sushi restaraunt over lunch today with a collegue here. I just got back to my desk, the tears just poured out (yes... I'm a crier!), and I had to write it down.

I remember vividly when I announced at a meeting that I would be leaving Xerox to persue my masters. Everyone congratulated me and asked if I would be coming back when my MBA was done... I had to explain it wasn't an MBA, but an MDiv. The room went pretty quiet, except for this one, usually very quiet man, who practally jumped out of his seat with a joy that this announcement had not been greeted with before.

Today he took me for lunch.

He told me his story of joys, sorrows, love and laughter. He is very involved in his church (screening committee, choir, parish council), in fact his whole family is very involved. Today he told me that he admires me and my decision. He said it truly made him glad that someone as young as me, with such a promising future at this company could see past the physical luxuries and trappings of western society, drop everything to follow the call of God. He said that breif conversation and announcement a meeting 3 months ago ignited a spark in him that he had been trying for years to put out. But now he didn't want to put it out - he wanted to embrace it. He may now retire early so that he can persue his gift of thereputic touch - in working with people who are in Hospice care and who are dying to grant them some measure comfort in the knowledge that they are not alone. To be with people as they heal, and to help people have a good death. To help members of his congregation who are suffering and to pray with them and to love them.
He thanked me for my courage.

That was his word.

Courage.

I have never used that word to describe myself before.

God doesn't work in mysterious ways. God uses you, and me to affect change now.

baby steps

5 more days at Xerox – but apparently I’ll be a “Xeroid” for life… something about toner in the blood. 7 years is a long time to work somewhere. It has its moments. I’ve been lucky – I’ve had 4 jobs there – 3 promotions, all kinds of awards and recognition for my work. I’m technically taking an educational leave of absence – that’s the practical part of me. I never burn a bridge. I guess this job that I’ve taken will either let me know if I’m cut out for ministry, or if I should high-tail it back to Xerox and plead for my old job back. I REALLY doubt that will be the outcome – but never say never!

But onto the new job - OK – so perhaps you folks don’t know this, but let me tell you a little secret. I’m very scared, nervous and excited to start my new job. I’ll have to transition in while the associate leaves – our office will be one for a few weeks. I have so much to learn, so much to experience, and there is so much that I don’t know that I know, I have to keep it all straight. Apparently I’ll be preaching sometime in September… Yikes! I’ve only ever preached once – in the Trinity College Chapel (well twice if you count the class that was video taped!) I’ve been transitioning into the role on Sundays as well. I am always to stand behind the altar when the priest celebrates – in the Deacon spot. (what an amazing perspective!) I am to always serve, and always to read the Psalm. That is a bit of a leap. There are a dozen acolytes and anywhere from 3 to 12 can show up to serve on any given Sunday. So we usually divvy up the roles just before the service, so that everyone can have experience in each role. Our associate always does the roles that I’m now doing, so everyone keeps calling me her replacement – but I could never replace her! I’m trying to change that replace thought, to one of successor – someone who came after her, to continue the works she has begun and to add to them. Maybe that way they won’t expect me to be her – and they’ll let me be ME.

I was given some great advise today from a parishioner. She told me how wonderful it was that I was taking on this role. But she wanted to tell me what a 90 year old fellow teacher told her, when she first started teaching. “The hardest thing to learn is that you can’t do everything. Learn to say “no” but be easy on yourself because the first time is always the hardest.” Good advise.
She made me promise to take time for myself, and to remember the big picture – remember that I am also there to study, and I need to make sure my studies come first. Its all about perspective. This parish is supporting me in my discernment process with the diocese; they are hoping that I’ll be able to give back to the church as a minister, but if I neglect my studies – that won’t happen.

It’s a balancing act – and I’m a klutz.

Happy Birthday Nana

My Nana turned 89 today.

Remarkable lady, my Nana. At 87 she had to teach herself to walk again after having both of her legs amputated below the knee - she now wears two prostetics. She had to move into a nursing home to recover, but this summer she moved OUT of the nursing home and back into her own apartment.

All I have to say - amazing woman.

I hope to live with her passion and determination.

Happy Birthday Nana - God Bless!

Books, books and more Books!

Apparently I’ve been tagged by Aaron for these…. Who was tagged by Fr. Jake, who was tagged by … well you get the picture… round the world with favourite books!

I tag Laura, Aurora, and Matthew ...

1. Two books that changed your life.
In Quest of Jesus, by W. Barnes Tatum. Now I don’t particularly advocate reading this one – it is average in style and it has been a while since I read it, so I can’t remember the scholarship, but this book prompted me to ask questions – and that is why it changed my life. It was the textbook for an undergraduate course called “the Historical Jesus and the Christ of Faith.” It brought out a passion in discussions that I had never known in myself before. It nudged me into action, into living a faith that I had relegated as irrelevant.

The second book is Listening for the Heartbeat of God, by J. Philip Newell. He was a former Warden on the Isle of Iona, and this book was part of the reason I went to volunteer on Iona for six weeks. I came back with a very different perspective on life, and without that experience, I don’t know if I’d be in seminary right now.

2. Two books that you have read more than once.
Harry Potter. The whole set. Yes. And they are all lovely! I guess that qualifies for more than two books, but since it’s a set, I figure you’ll forgive me!

3. Two books you'd want on a desert island.
Not to sound repetitive, but either the BCP or the BAS, to quell my daily office fix.
And the Bible, NRSV, please.

4. One book that made you laugh.
Dave Cooks the Turkey – Stuart McLean – of the Vinyl Café more stories about Dave, Morley, Stephanie and Sam – A true Canadian treasure!

5. One book that made me cry.
Charlotte’s Web, by EB White. Ode to friendship!

6. One book that you wish had been written.
Why is perception reality?

7. Two books that you wish had not been written.
Chicken soup for the Soul (or the teenager, or the scrapbooker, or the cat lover…) They have become a marketers dream – I can maybe see the first couple – but now (I’m not kidding) there are now 22 volumes… perhaps I just don’t get the trend….

8. Two books that you're currently reading.
Drawn into the Mystery of Jesus through the Gospel of John by Jean Vanier. Wonderfully written book, from the caring perspective of one of the founders of L’Arche.
For All God’s Worth – N.T. Wright. An interesting reflection on the need for worship.

9. One book you've been meaning to read.
I’ve picked it up more times than I can count. On Christian Theology, by Rowan Williams has been sitting on my shelf for 2 years, and I can’t do much more than crack it, read 2 or 3 pages and quietly slide it back in its place in the bookshelf.

I never did write about Maine... did I ?!?

Well - here goes...

I'm no real stranger to sleeping in the Church! Not in the pews... or at least not often in the pews! When I've slept it's been for overnights with the junior youth group and the senior youth group, so I thought I was prepared. When some of the youth group wanted to talk to me about a project that they wanted to do, I thought "no problem! I bet its another fun event, possibly ending with a sleep over in the church... I wonder what they have planned" If truth be told, nothing could have truly prepared me to hear these words as I walked into the St. Hilda's room "So, we have been doing a lot of research and are pretty sure we want to take the DARE group on a YouthWorks Mission trip for 10 days to coastal Maine - Calais to be specific, and we need another adult to go...." Isn't it amazing what kids can come up with? The hopeful looks on their faces could only elicit one answer "You've got yourself another leader!" And then the whirlwind of planning sprung into action (by this I mean the youth group leader - wow is he organized!) and we left on Saturday July 1st. 4:30am comes early - the sun hasn't even risen - did you know that???

This was all new ground for me, literally because I've never been east of Montreal, and mentally, because I've never been on a mission trip before and I had no idea what to expect. Calais is a picturesque little rural town where the average kid starts drinking at 14 and probably comes from a family who lives below the poverty line (of $19,500). But beneath the flaking paint on the houses, and the families scraping to make ends meet (or rather meat...) exists a community really uncertain of its future. We were granted the opportunity of spending time getting to know this community, and in the end, falling in love with it. We laughed with their kids at "Kids Club", sang hymns with their seniors at nursing homes, scraped and painted the house of an amazing family and cried with a woman whose father died the morning we arrived to paint. We worked alongside youth and adults from Newark NJ, Upstate NY, Toronto (Islington United Church!), and each other. We were from different denominations, different social backgrounds, different ages and we all came together to help the struggling community of Calais; we came to love our neighbours as ourselves. I'm not going to tell you any more, but I wish you could tlak to these kids. I wish you could ask the them what happened. See the light on their faces when they tell you about the car trips, kids, piano's, ladders, conquering fears and daring themselves to do something that they never thought they could. These teenagers impressed me, and I am so proud of them.

And I did end up sleeping in a Church, just not ours. I'm grateful to the United Methodist Church in Calais for hosting YouthWorks, giving us that floor to sleep on and allowing us the time to watch stereotypes shatter.

Half a movie... a horror one at that!

Only one wedding and a Funeral…

A funeral and a wedding happened this weekend. Interesting way to bookmark the weekend. It truly was a celebration of life at the funeral, and it almost became a celebration of death at the wedding, when I came very close to strangling a photographer! Not literally, I hope you understand, but I can have a very forceful ‘don’t mess with me’ look! The photographer AND the videographer BOTH decided to get a different shot of the bride and groom, from the altar side of the sanctuary. Wanna know how they got there? They stepped on the cushions and swung their leg over the communion rail and started to walk in front of the altar. I kid you not. I came really close to losing it, but instead asked them politely to step back over the rail. So what did she do??? Walk over to the other side of the altar!!! I was communicating the chalice… I couldn’t follow her. I was angry and horrified. This is a sacrament, a holy moment of the joining of two lives. Pictures, video have perfect places – when the music is playing – when the bride walks down the aisle, when they are signing the register. Not when I’m reading from 1 Corinthians 13, not when the couple is being prayed for and certainly not when the Eucharist is being celebrated!

I'm rather speachless... all I can say is ... Oi !!!!

Cannibalism and Sherlock Holmes

Tomorrow’s gospel reading is a favourite of mine. It is one of those readings that have caused non-Christians throughout history, reason to be very suspicious of Christians. John 6:51-58.

51 I am the living bread that came down from heaven. Whoever eats of this bread will live forever; and the bread that I will give for the life of the world is my flesh." 52 The Jews then disputed among themselves, saying, "How can this man give us his flesh to eat?" 53 So Jesus said to them, "Very truly, I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. 54 Those who eat my flesh and drink my blood have eternal life, and I will raise them up on the last day; 55 for my flesh is true food and my blood is true drink. 56 Those who eat my flesh and drink my blood abide in me, and I in them. 57 Just as the living Father sent me, and I live because of the Father, so whoever eats me will live because of me. 58 This is the bread that came down from heaven, not like that which your ancestors ate, and they died. But the one who eats this bread will live forever."

No, I’m not going to talk about transubstantiation, or transignification for that matter. In celebrating the Eucharist, Christians through history have not been physically nibbling away at the physical body of Christ - This is also not the place where we can decide what happened to the physical body of Jesus at the empty tomb or at the assention – or is it? What does it really mean when the priest hands us the bread and says “This is the body of Christ, broken and given for you” and the same with the wine, “This is the blood of Christ shed for you.”

No bloody wonder (pardon the pun) that outsiders may upon first glance think we’re a bunch of nutters - or worse... cannibals! This is one of those questions that my non-Christian friends have been mystified by. I can’t count the number of times I’ve been asked, “so what really is the bread and the wine?”, or “Is it really flesh and blood that you eat and drink at church?” Talk about loaded questions! Physically, bread and wine is just that, bread and wine, local customs may differ, they may be wafers, or fresh bread, wine or grape juice, but the initial physical substance is not what is important. It’s not going to be the best burgundy you’ve ever tasted, nor is it to be gulped down like the kid on a Welch’s commercial. The Bread and Wine of Holy Communion are transformed by the community gathered, by the priest present and by the prayers and worship of the liturgy – by your life and by mine. It is transformed from stale pieces of bread and bad tasting wine into the most life changing substance on earth. It becomes Christ. It becomes our host at the table of life. As the response to one BAS fraction sentence says “God here among us, light in the midst of us, bring us to light and life.”

I can honestly say that I don’t understand it. I don’t know the intricacies of what happens between people and God when they receive this bread of life. I know some of the emotions that I have felt. I know some of the worries and concerns and hurts and fears that I have left at the communion rail. I know that I have felt the power of a change of perspective in this sacrament. But I can’t tell you what it means… and personally, I think that you should wonder about anyone who can claim to give you the answer as to what the Eucharist means. It is a mystery – not something that can be solved by great detective work (or Sherlock Holmes), but something that transcends both time and space. I’ve read books about what others think, I’ve talked to priests, and parishioners, but do I “know”? Nope. Do I understand? Maybe. Does it change me? Absolutely.

There now - not something you typically think about as a conversation at the photocopier, but that’s where I’ve had some of the most interesting ones!

belief in action

My great uncle is a woodworker. He helped my cousin and his girlfriend craft a cherry table complete with leaves that slide under the top for storage. It was absolutely stunning. But technically he is a toymaker. He makes toys for lots of different groups of kids, recently he has made 150 wooden car toys for a group of kids whose parents who gather annually to celebrate the fact that their children, who were born very early, survived. These are the extreme cases where they are only weighed a 2 pounds or so at birth. He also makes educational toys for a local blind school, and rolling stools for parents with autistic kids. He is truly a craftsman.
His latest project is to re-furbish a processional cross from a local catholic primary school chapel. Jesus was hanging on by one nail and tied to the cross with a ribbon... (theologically.... well.!?!?!) Here is a picture of a cross similar to the one he is fixing (likeness of Jesus is fully attached in this photo). I'll post a picture of the finished product.

His dad (my great-grandfather) was an Anglican priest - and they grew up partly in the Diocese of Huron and partly in ste. Agathe in Quebec. He can sing all the old hymns, but doesn't believe in God. He knows all the BCP (book of Common Prayer) words to morning prayer, evensong and the Eucharist, but doesn't believe there is a God. He finds great comfort in the tradition of liturgy, but he doesn't believe in God. (He brought a Qu'ran to my baptism... did I mention he has a sense of humour?!?!) he came, though he doesn't believe in God. He loves and acts and shows true compassion in everything he does. He lives the core of the Christian values that he was raised with. That you should love your neighbour as yourself, and he doesn't just pay lip service to this notion. He lives it everyday. His favourite poem by an unknown author describes why:

I shall pass through this world but once
if therefore there be any kindness I can show
or any good thing I can do
let me do it now
for I shall not pass this way again

But he doesn't believe in God.

He does believe in people.

He does believe we are to do what we can to ease the life of others

If someone was hungry, he'd give them food. If someone was thirsty, he'd give them something to drink, if someone was lonely, scared, sick, he'd comfort them. Interesting... Wasn't it Jesus who said that when you help the least of your brothers and sisters you do it for me. Isn't it all about compassion and living into the words of St. Paul - to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice? He says he doesn't believe in God, but he show God exists, by his every action.

The light of Christ

I have a confession to make. I love baptisms. All I have to do is smell the chrism oil and I'm instantly taken back to my own baptism. To the promises I made, standing in front of the congregation dripping wet, anointed with the chrism oil in the sign of the cross holding a candle with a smile so big that my cheeks hurt. Walking through the congregation with the words 'receive the light of Christ to show that you have passed from darkness into light.' ringing in my ears. I cannot help but smile - to see this sacrament - this outward visible sign of an inward invisible grace - I find myself amazed every time I am privileged to be a part of one.

Yesterday there was a baptism, and I have often been a part of baptismal liturgies, helping with asperges (processing around the church holding the baptismal waters as the priest sprinkles them on the congregation), acting as a sponsor for one of our youth group who was baptized, serving chalice, but yesterday was different. I read the prayers for the little one to be baptized, and I lit the candle and spoke the words that rang in my ears 4 years ago "Receive the light of Christ to show that you have passed from darkness into light." as I handed the baptismal candle to the baby's mum. I felt a profound sense of awe in that moment. To be part of welcoming that peaceful little baby into the body of Christ, knowing that throughout his life he will always be welcomed by any church he enters. He will have the extended family of the Church who will be there to watch him grow up, learn new things, love, laugh, fall, pick himself back up and continue living. One of the newest little members of the body of Christ.

Welcome little one. Enjoy the ride.

a whole lotta life....

From Sat July 29th 6pm (ish)
I just spent one of the most enjoyable hours by myself that I have in ages. I sat outside Robarts Library after trying for the better part of 4 hours to get a good handle on my essay (with varying degrees of success may I add). But instead, I succumbed to the smell of street meat and bought myself a hot dog. I then found myself having a fantastic time entertaining a host of little sparrows, perhaps a dozen or so. It was difficult to keep track since they fluttered around so quickly. Some of the nervy little beggars even came right up to my hand to take a little piece of the bun from me. I must have spent an hour of my time and half of my hotdog bun entertaining myself and feeding the birds. I find it incredibly amusing that the first 4 hours were spent trying to find connections between religion and ecology, between creation and creation spirituality, when I have a difficulty separating them in the first place. I guess I just needed to step outside into creation to understand again and gain a little perspective.

And now I'm sitting in the courtyard of Trinity College, watching students play football, frisbee, as a chorus of emergency vehicles pass by I find myself straining to listen to one of the most painfully beautiful soprano voices I've heard, from the wedding inside the chapel. What a wonderful and bizarre combination of visual and auditory stimuli. Life, sickness, marriage, joy, sorrow, happiness. A celebration of what it is to be alive in a few small moments.
The rousing round of applause must mean two people in the chapel behind me are the newest married couple on the face of the earth. May they have a lifetime to love and care for each other.