baby steps

5 more days at Xerox – but apparently I’ll be a “Xeroid” for life… something about toner in the blood. 7 years is a long time to work somewhere. It has its moments. I’ve been lucky – I’ve had 4 jobs there – 3 promotions, all kinds of awards and recognition for my work. I’m technically taking an educational leave of absence – that’s the practical part of me. I never burn a bridge. I guess this job that I’ve taken will either let me know if I’m cut out for ministry, or if I should high-tail it back to Xerox and plead for my old job back. I REALLY doubt that will be the outcome – but never say never!

But onto the new job - OK – so perhaps you folks don’t know this, but let me tell you a little secret. I’m very scared, nervous and excited to start my new job. I’ll have to transition in while the associate leaves – our office will be one for a few weeks. I have so much to learn, so much to experience, and there is so much that I don’t know that I know, I have to keep it all straight. Apparently I’ll be preaching sometime in September… Yikes! I’ve only ever preached once – in the Trinity College Chapel (well twice if you count the class that was video taped!) I’ve been transitioning into the role on Sundays as well. I am always to stand behind the altar when the priest celebrates – in the Deacon spot. (what an amazing perspective!) I am to always serve, and always to read the Psalm. That is a bit of a leap. There are a dozen acolytes and anywhere from 3 to 12 can show up to serve on any given Sunday. So we usually divvy up the roles just before the service, so that everyone can have experience in each role. Our associate always does the roles that I’m now doing, so everyone keeps calling me her replacement – but I could never replace her! I’m trying to change that replace thought, to one of successor – someone who came after her, to continue the works she has begun and to add to them. Maybe that way they won’t expect me to be her – and they’ll let me be ME.

I was given some great advise today from a parishioner. She told me how wonderful it was that I was taking on this role. But she wanted to tell me what a 90 year old fellow teacher told her, when she first started teaching. “The hardest thing to learn is that you can’t do everything. Learn to say “no” but be easy on yourself because the first time is always the hardest.” Good advise.
She made me promise to take time for myself, and to remember the big picture – remember that I am also there to study, and I need to make sure my studies come first. Its all about perspective. This parish is supporting me in my discernment process with the diocese; they are hoping that I’ll be able to give back to the church as a minister, but if I neglect my studies – that won’t happen.

It’s a balancing act – and I’m a klutz.