it is finished

done.
I'm now officially no longer a home owner. Condo is closed. I don't live there anymore.

I went yesterday to finish cleaning up, and when everything was said and done, I sat, by myself in the middle of my livingroom and sobbed. My home represented a security. In a way it represented my life. It was a warm, comfortable place, where everyone was welcome, and when I saw it completely empty, void of all the photos, and friends and lacking every kind of life, it felt like someone had stripped me naked and abandoned me. People say that it is just 4 walls, but to me, living in a city where I don't know many people, a place where I moved because of work, my home was my sanctuary. Now I no longer have the job, I no longer have the home, I no longer have a sense of place, a sense of belonging. Home was my place of rest, in a world that I don't often understand. It was my place where things made sense. I've been going on and on about selling for one very good reason. The sale of my condo represents a drastic change in my life - not simply where I live, but how I live. I quit my job, sold my house, moved in with family so that I can follow where my heart is leading me. I'm not used to relying on other people, I'm very self-sufficient and very organized. Things in my life are ordered - they make sense.

Today is the day that I have lost that sense of control.