ah-ha

Spring is sprung
The grass is riz
I wonder where the birdies is

The bird is on the wing they say,
but that's absurd,
I always thought the wing was on the bird!

A favourite rhyme of my papa's. For some reason, right now, I find myself thinking of him, and missing him so much it hurts. I guess it is with milestones that I miss those I love but see no longer, even more. First time driving, first kiss, first job, first home, and now the first time I've sold my home. I wonder what he would say? I'm happy about it - so I guess I do know what he'd say - he'd be happy for me, and I get one of those patented winks.

By the way - I have dirt... I have conditionally sold my condo. Just have to have the lawyer verify the status certificate and were golden.

I plan on not making my bed and leaving dishes on the counter - just because I can - and I don't have to show the place tomorrow from 10-11am, like was booked! Yippee! I can sleep in!

It is really interesting to sense the emotions that have been coursing through my body today. My cousin brought up something on her blog about when do you cry. I really had to think about it, for it had been a long time since I had a real good cry. I should have waited to respond to her - I would have had a much better point of reference after this afternoon. I was shocked by the first offer - absolutely dumbfounded that she could start off so low! I didn't believe it. Then furious with the response to my counter offer. Then I came to the conclusion that it is my first home and I'm overly sensitive to everything about it - I have loved this place immensely. I wondered what I was doing. I have not been accepted by any diocese yet. I only have my interview on June 5th - why am I taking this step without the certainty of knowing the next step? Then I was ranted and raved and cried and prayed and shook my fists in utter frustration. I thought of my spiritual director and of my course on prayer and hauled out my journal. I wrote feverishly on the pages in messy, writing with the occasional explicative thrown in there in BLOCK CAPITALS, just for emphasis. And as I wrote, I gained a wonderful perspective. You can actually see when I began to relax into a decision. My writing is not so fevered and the letters stay in the lines. Then as quickly as it began, it was over. A wave of contentment began to slowly grow over me. I called my real estate agent back over, and we signed the deal, and that feeling, like warm honey, filled me and gave me a great sense of peace and a wonderful release. I think it was the word "Chattel" and having to sign them over to someone else that I enjoyed the most. Sounds to me almost like the stages of grief - grieving the loss of my first home, the loss of this piece of my life, the change in circumstances and the prospect of becoming a student again.

Whatever it was - wow. What started out as a day I dreaded, became one that I have enjoyed immensely. Thanks be to God!