For the love of Loch Lomond...

We celebrated Robbie Burns night on January 25. My friend piped in the Haggis, did the traditional address to it and we read poetry, drank wine and scotch (and actually ate the Haggis - and enjoyed it!)

I miss Scotland - here's a little piece that always takes me back, along with a photo of Loch Lomond I took this past summer.... sigh...

The Bonnie Bonnie Banks, of Loch Lomond (music)


By yon bonnie banks and by yon bonnie braes,
Where the sun shines bright on Loch Lomond
Where me and my true love were ever wont to gae,
On the bonnie, bonnie banks o’ Loch Lomond.

Chorus
O ye’ll tak’ the high road and I’ll tak’ the low road,
And I’ll be in Scotland afore ye.
But me and my true love will never meet again,
On the bonnie, bonnie banks o’ Loch Lomond.

‘Twas there that we parted in yon shady glen,
On the steep, steep side o’ Ben Lomond.
Where in deep purple hue, the hieland hills we view,
And the moon comin’ out in the gloamin’.
Chorus

The wee birdies sing and the wild flowers spring,
And in sunshine the waters are sleeping:
But the broken heart, it kens nae second spring again,
Tho’ the waefu’ may cease from their greeting.
Chorus

The wild flowers spring, and the wee birds sing
And in sun-shine the waters, are sleepin’
But the broken heart, a kens nae second spring
And re-sign'd we may be, tho' we're greetin’
Chorus

First time for everything!

I did my very first sermon – on the Samaritan woman at the well from the Gospel of John– my choice of passage – it was lovely to have that freedom! Here's my outline - some of it was vamped, but this was the general structure!


I met my best friend in Grade 5, but we didn’t get to know each other until we were in Grade 10. We had different interests, ……
So that is where I friendship really started. So when we both graduated high school
Went to University …
Were Roommates …
I studied Geo to be a teacher
She, sciences to be a doctor
She graduated – got married – moved to Rochester NY with husband and daughter.

I know when someone describes a friend to me, even if they don’t give a physical description, I get a mental image of that person. And I wonder if that happened for you when I described my best friend. We call images forth in our imagination the way we know them, or how we assume a person to be. Images are often the first way we interact with a person. I wonder how you pictured her – I wonder how many of you pictured her with your skin colour.

In the past couple of years our conversations have been around religion, spirituality, God, experiences with the divine. Our goal is to understand each other – me – a white middle class, Christian, woman working in the corporate world. And her – brown skinned, Pakistani, Muslim, Doctor. Her struggle has been about putting on a Hijab. It is a promise between her and God. It is a covenant and in my Christian lingo, it sounds like a sacrament to me. It is an outward visible sign of an inward invisible grace. And the whole world will look at her differently because of that symbol. Not only will she be a visible minority, but she will be identified with a group of people who are often considered terrorists, she already has long waits at boarder crossings when she comes back to Canada, people have left her harassing notes on her car, telling her to go back home.

To be a Christian doesn’t mean that I have to dress a certain way, in fact often the only visible physical symbol of my faith is the cross around my neck. But even that has become popularized as a fashion accessory, a mere silver trinket. These physical symbols, these assumptions about who we each are, about what we believe in and about what is important to us, have traditionally allowed us pick and choose who doesn’t belong – those whom we are not supposed to associate with. Skin colour, clothing, neighbourhood you live in, car you drive, turban, hijab, or cross. The sad thing that my friend and I have discovered along our journey together is that scripture in any tradition has often been distorted and used to justify these forms of hatred and discrimination.

But that is not what the Koran teaches. That is not what their Prophet teaches. That is not what the Bible teaches. This is not the message of the child of Bethlehem. This is not the teaching of the Rabbi from Nazareth. That is not the love and compassion of the Crucified Christ. That is not the grace of God.

In our Gospel reading today we came across the Samaritan woman at the well. It was noon – the hottest part of the day, and she came to draw water.
Gathering point
Usually morning or evening
She must have done something to make her not come when the rest of the town did.

Her responses are pretty cheeky to Jesus. For it was well known that Jews didn’t associate with Samaritans and vice versa. They believed in different Gods. They had different symbols that identified them. There were stereotypes that haunted their relationships. I love this line: “How is it that you, a Jew ask a drink of me, a woman of Samaria” You can almost hear her voice – shamelessly mocking him – for she had nothing to lose by speaking this way. But this little interaction was so contrary to the culture of the day. Not only was Jesus a Jew and the woman a Samarian, but Jesus was a man and she was a woman – the two would have never spoken this way to each other.
Jesus is portrayed as a counter revolutionary. He is taking the social norms, the cultural assumptions and turning them on their head and reaching out to ask the help of this woman.

Wow.

There are many, many stories, and lives and parables and teachings that turn this exclusivity, this I’m right and you’re wrong attitude into the counter cultural revolutionary, all inclusive all encompassing life that Jesus is teaching us to live - today.

Of one being with the father
Through whom all things were made
Not all things Jewish. Not all things Christian. But all things. All beings.
Fat/skinny,
Tall/short
Black/white
Christian/Muslim
Jew/Gentile
Slave/Free
Male/Feamle.

All are one.

All are one.

Intercessory Prayer

As we gather together this evening in the peace of Christ, we raise our voices and prayers to God, creator of all saying:
Lord, hear and have mercy.

In the stillness of this night, we remember the Apostles and Martyrs and all who have served Christ’s Church in every age. Giving thanks for all the saints, and asking for the courage and wisdom to follow in their footsteps.
Let us pray to the Lord.
Lord, hear and have mercy.

In our world filled with intolerance, injustice, ignorance and greed, we pray for a spirit of respect and reconciliation to grow among nations and peoples. We pray for wisdom and guidance for the leaders of all nations. We pray for those vying for our votes in the upcoming federal election. May they be guided by a sense of justice, fairness and equality as they strive to lead our nation onward.
Let us pray to the Lord
Lord, hear and have mercy.

Lord, bless those who strive for peace, walk with those who are persecuted and in danger. Strengthen the weak and uplift the lonely.
And here, in this moment we offer you our prayers either aloud or in the silence of our hearts.
SILENCE
For all this, let us pray to the Lord.
Lord, hear and have mercy.

We pray for ourselves, for a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment in our understanding and in our work. For peace and fulfillment in our homes and in our relationships. You alone know our fears and our needs. Send us your peace and bring comfort and healing. For the grace to forgive those who have hurt us and for the humility to ask forgiveness of those we have hurt.
Let us pray to the Lord:
Lord, hear and have mercy.

God of light, teach us to love each other as you love us, that we may bring peace and joy to the world, and rejoice in the kingdom of your Son, Jesus Christ our Lord
Amen

Begin

The past two days have prompted several really interesting conversations. I took Wednesday off work to be a student for the day - and it was wonderful! I found a few quiet moments before the noon Eucharist in the chapel for quiet contemplation. Then was surrounded by the familiar words of the Liturgy in that magnificent space. Incense burning taking our prayers up with it. Listening in community, joining our words together in prayer and praise has a way of granting perspective. I have missed this place, and who I am being shaped into within this thin space. I went to a liturgy planning team meeting, bit the bullet and stood up through my fear said yes to officiating at evening prayer. I have never before led a service at school for it is an awe filled task - one that I have not been ready to do. I don't know if I am now, but I'm jumping in and saying "Yes!" I spoke with a classmate after PPOL about all of my lingering doubts and fears. About all of her fears and doubts. We both came to the conclusion that we are glad we answered that tug of our heartstrings - we are glad we are in seminary and we are glad we are not alone in our doubts and fears - for God is there - even until the end of the age!

Going through all these conversations makes me think that I feel ready to begin the process.

Wow. I just realized this... I feel ready to begin!!!

I FEEL READY TO BEGIN!!!!!

It is not just random essays that I HAVE to write - now I WANT to write them. I want to explore my own reasoning and the motivations - explore my desire to serve.

Thanks be to God!

Past Life

hmm... my past life... I wonder....

Scotland... go figure!

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Gentle Mathematician. Where You Lived: Scotland. How You Died: Buried alive.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

Cake, prayer and doubt

I was raised to ask three questions before I said anything.
Is it true?
Is it kind?
Is it necessary?
On days like today, I wish everyone thought this.

Driving into church today I realized something. I’m angry with God. I’m really quite pissed off that things are not going the way I wanted in my life. There are things that are working out – yes – and for those I’m thankful. Perhaps I just want my cake and eat it too. Apparently someone at church today thought that I must have been eating too much cake, for she told my friend that I should really lose some weight. I laughed it off, but it did hurt. I know I’m fat. Its not like she was telling me something that I don’t know. But was it necessary to tell the person sitting next to her as I carried the Gospel book to the alter at Sunday Mass? Its ironic I suppose. That book tells you to love your neighbour. It tells you repeatedly to be compassionate as Christ was compassionate. To be there for others in the community. The sermon today even touched on the very subject of discrimination. It may seem like a small thing to dwell on, but that is my reaction, and I can’t change it. I can be frustrated by her comments, I could have told her about pots and kettles – but that would not pass my question test above.

I thank God for teaching me how to react in situation like that. How to speak with compassion and mean it. I will keep her in my prayers tonight. Like the quote from Richard Hooker about prayer; “When we are not able to do any other thing for men's behoof, when through maliciousness or unkindness they vouchsafe not to accept any other good at our hands, prayer is that which we always have in our power to bestow, and they never in theirs to refuse.” But about wanting my cake and eating it too… things on the surface are going well, but I’m full of doubt. I’m full of anxiety over choices, what to do and how to do it. I really don’t want to work in the big corporate world anymore – this I’ve known for ages. But I don’t know how to finish. I have a plan, but it feels like a very hard thing to do. I’m planning on selling my condo, taking the profit, moving in with my Uncle Bert and working for another year before I finish to save up for tuition. But it’s frustrating, because I want to do this now. I want to study full time NOW. I’m tired of waiting. But I don’t really want to leave my home. I’m pretty sure that I’ve been procrastinating putting down my floor so I don’t have to list. If this is something that I want – something that I will help - I just realized something again. Maybe there is all this resistance, because this is not what God wants. But as I type this too, there is still doubt…

Ruby Thursday

To love one's enemies is definitely not an easy task. I met the most amazing woman Thursday night. Ruby is 83, on disability pension, smokes like a chimney and is in a wheelchair because she had to have her legs amputated because of diabetes. At the beginning of October she was attacked by a women on a bike who stole her purse and the $450 inside it. This lady has spunk though - she didn't give it up without a fight - one she lost, but she tried. She was pulled from her electric wheelchair and it came toppling down on her. She has spent the past two months healing from a broken shoulder and badly bruised hips. Her entire life was turned upside down in a moment. And do you know what her reaction was after this happened? The same as it is today - she said, "I would like to see them take her and make a lady out of her," she says. "Put her away somewhere and help her. She could be a good lady." Now if ever there was someone who we would feel "good" about hating it is someone who has taken advantage of a person who could not defend themselves. But that was not her reaction. She showed love, true agape, and true mercy. She is truly an inspiration and example of how to love your enemy. This woman is determined and strong and has an absolute heart of gold. Though I've never met her before, but we spent 3 hours chatting on Thursday night. She was lovely to talk with. She kept saying how nice a person I was because I went to visit her. Though I know it was a compliment, it made me wonder… why is that so unusual? Why don’t people just go and talk to each other? What are we so afraid of? I walked out of her apartment wishing I could do this everyday - meet with people, talk about love and life and God and why we are here and just try to make life better for anyone we meet while we are here - does that makes sense? As I continue to wrestle with this idea of a calling to the priesthood, last night reminded me of why. I love those conversion moments - times when you have seen yourself change because of someone else, and you see the other person changing because of you. Thanks be to God!

Watch her call it something stupid... like Marbles!

The house feels empty. No little furry beastie curling around my feet to trip me in the morning as I stumble to the shower. No one to greet me at the door with the panicked cry for dinner. It's strange. She's lived with me for 12 years. Mum assures me that she's doing well living there. That she's scratching her behind the ears like she enjoys, and that she's happy chasing the birds through the glass of the windows. Selling my condo feels more real somehow. I've worked really hard. I thought this was what I should do. I should want to buy my own home - pride of ownership - right? It would be filled with laughter and the comforts of home. I'm on the cusp of a radical change of life and lifestyle. I've lived away from home for the 12 years that Marbles has lived with me. She was a gift in first year university. I shared that house with 7 others. In second year I shared it with 5 others, third year with 4 others, fourth year with 3 others, the next year with one other, then it was one. Just me. I've lived by myself for 7 years, but I've never really been by myself - Marbles has been there.
When my condo is sold, and I move from my home back with family, Marbles can't come. My great Uncle Bert has hosted students throughout the years, and now that my Aunt has died, he's been on his own for a few years now. I think it will be good that we both have a roommate again - but I'll miss my fuzzy, four legged one. I know, I can see her when I go home to my parents house, but it's not the same. Things change. Priorities change. If I'm going to go back to school full time, I'm going to have to get used to it.

It's only 3 years - one year at work and one and a half at school.

Then, we'll see what is in store for me with the Diocese.

That reminds me... I should really work on my application essays...

Work and what I'd rather be doing....!

It's a grey and rainy Monday and I'm back at work today. It's really strange. I found this photo of the building that I'm in right now (9th floor in the one on the left), taken from one of the buildings that I stare out at day after day. I wish the sky was this bright today as it is in that photo.

I changed my calendar on the wall this morning - fresh start for January in my new Iona calendar. It's a picture sort of like this, but it is brighter. It's lighter. The sun is streaming through the windows, illuminating the golden wood of the chairs and the warm colours of stone inside the Abbey Church. I can imagine myself walking on those stones, like I have done so many times. I can almost feel the unevenness of their pattern on the ground. Breathing in the wonderful smell of stone, polish, damp earth and the oil for the oil lamps. It's the smell of history. I long to be back there. I long to step off the ferry, onto the jetty. To walk those hallowed halls, climb the stony outcrops, wade into the North Sea. To sing and dance and pray alongside the saints who have gone before us, who are beside us and who are beyond us. To walk the stony shore of Columba's bay. I miss this place. I miss it most because I know that I could be there right now, working for a year. Volunteering. Gathering the perspective that I lose each day within the corporate walls of that pink building above. Lord grant me the strength to not be swallowed up by these granite walls.