tough questions

So... tough question - I have to answer this and it sort of feels like they are peering into my soul...
What is your understanding of the ministry of a priest and why do you believe yourself called to such ministry?


I've been struggling with it, but so far... this is what I've got...


The ministry of a priest is not easy in my estimation. It involves a rollercoaster of emotions. It involves sharing the joys and sorrows of those in the Christian community to which one is called to serve. To be present, and to provide support and love for those who may have lost their job, been diagnosed with cancer, lost a loved one or are facing their own end of days. But likewise it is to share the joy of weddings, new births and to dance and sing at the party when the cancer goes into remission. It is to challenge oneself, and others, to see the face of Christ in all we meet. To live into the stories of compassion and love and justice that are wrapped in the truth of scripture, to celebrate in community and to share bread and wine as symbols of Christ with us, in us, beside us and beyond us. However all of these characteristics, qualities and actions are not unique to the ministry of a priest, for this is precisely what each and every Christian is called to do through their baptism. To live into the words of St. Paul and to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice. A priest is called, like all Christians, to not only live out these characteristics, but to be an example of Christ’s love in the world. A priest is also called to be the custodian of the Christian mystery, and to be the storyteller who brings to life the words and actions of Jesus from the manger, to his baptism, to his life of love and compassion, to the cross, and beyond. It is to tell and retell our sacred story and to show that these stories are not only relevant in this modern world, but they are absolutely essential. To celebrate the sacraments as it has been done for millennia; “in remembrance of me.” To lead a community through the often murky depths of doubt, despair, hurt and sorrow, knowing that God is in these places.

One spring Sunday several years ago, I arrived at church and sat where light streamed through the beautiful stained glass windows and landed on my hands as I sat in silent prayer. I looked up to see which window I was sitting under, and saw a brown door, with Jesus standing on the threshold with the words “Behold, I stand at the door and knock”, printed underneath. I remember reading that and thinking, wouldn’t it be easy if someone could tell me what I should be doing with my life and so I asked, “God – what should I do with my life?” That made me chuckle, for if you looked at the physical, tangible, material things, as I was accustomed to doing, I was doing quite well. I had a good job in which I had just received a promotion and I bought my first home, I had been baptized that previous fall and I had finally opened up my heart and fallen in love. I knew that God calls each of us to a specific ministry and we have gifts and talents and things we love to do that make us love our ministry. I thought I had found what I was to do. Work in a corporate environment, bring my beliefs and values to work, maybe get married and have a family and give back to my Christian community. After seven years of building up walls around myself, I was finally pushing them down and things were finally starting to fall into place in my life, starting to follow the plan I had set out. So as the service started, and I began to immerse myself in the liturgy, it came as a shock when as the sermon ended, an acquaintance leaned over and said “Kristen – you’re supposed to be a priest.” WHAT???

I spent the next couple of years convincing myself that this was an insane idea. What on earth could I offer – I’m not a cradle Anglican, I had just celebrated the first anniversary of my baptism. But those words were never far from the front of my mind. No matter how much I pushed them out of my thoughts, I could not dismiss it. There had been a fundamental change in my being, in how I saw the world and my place within it because of the Gospel. I had always been someone with a gift for listening but a fear of speaking, an empathetic heart, but a fear of putting my beliefs into action, an academic knowledge of fairness and justice, but lacked in the ability to apply it. I believe I have been blessed with the desire to serve others, and the Christ story has given me the courage to do something about all of these things that had once only lived in my mind. It is within this imperfect church that I have discovered the perfect love of God. And it is within the Eucharistic Mystery that I have seen and experienced the transforming power of Christ’s love, and what an awesome gift and responsibility that truly is. It is not just a little wafer and some sweet tasting wine, but about getting over my own ego and instead offering myself with all my faults and failures and jagged little edges to recognize the presence of God, not in all that I have, but in all that I am. I suppose the best answer is to say that I am responding to the will and desire in my heart to serve God by serving people. To listen and respond with love and compassion. To answer the tugging of my heartstrings as Samuel finally did, with confidence, saying, “Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening.”