As a little girl, I
thought Christmas was perfect the year I got my doll house.
I had slipped out of bed
on Christmas Eve night to sneak a peek at gifts under the tree
But I remember getting
to the bedroom door,
stopping, and turning
going back to bed.
Something stopped me
from spoiling the surprise,
and what a great one it
was the next morning!
Christmas felt perfect
As a young teen, I
thought the perfect Christmas
was one where we didn’t have to go to my aunt
and uncle’s house in St. Catherines!
I didn’t have to sleep on the
floor in the basement bedroom
with the old blue shag
carpet that smelled strongly of moth balls.
I didn’t have to watch my
cousins play with all their friends on Christmas day,
instead, I got to call
all of mine and talk for hours on the pink phone
I got from the Esso
Christmas party,
laying upside down over
the edge of my bed.
Rousing myself for yet
another Clementine… and some homemade
treats.
As a young adult, I
remember the adventure of my first Christmas working retail!
hardly a perfect start!
I was exhausted at the
end of the day,
filled to the brim with
cheesy Christmas carols
like grandma got run
over by a reindeer and the like.
But when I got home,
things were different.
Things were
peaceful.
There was a roaring fire
burning up all the scrap wood from Dad’s latest project,
actual choral Christmas
music playing on the stereo.
I got to spend it at
home, with grandma and papa and nana,
mum, dad and my sister
Laura round the fire, roasting chestnuts,
and burning all the
coloured wrapping paper
and watching the flames
turn the loveliest shade of blue or
the most shocking shade
of green!
That felt like a perfect
Christmas.
What I realize now, is
that none of those Christmases were perfect.
The year I got my dolls
house, I’m sure something went
wrong in the kitchen
family was late,
there were arguments… usually petty ones,
Somebody probably broke
something, either a dish or a toe!
and all those years
family came to stay,
I was off ousted from my
nice comfy bed and forced to slept on a too short couch
but I'd take all the
petty arguments broken dishes and couch surfing to have those days back
it’s very different without
my grandparents and my dad.
I know that the naivety
of youth has faded, and I see the reality
I can see the darknesses
as well as the light
Sometimes it would be
nice to just have the fantasy though
Maybe that’s what we strive for
when we try to have the perfect christmas
the perfectly set table
the perfectly adorned
tree, the right music
enough candles and a
roaring fire.
Maybe we want to have a
moment of perfection.
because maybe then it
would feel like everything in the world made sense
the illusion that we are
completely in control!
But it never quite lives
up to our imaginations does it.
There is always
something missing.
What I think we are trying to do is turn off the
dark
but as much as we try, I
don't think that's possible.
We can't stop the
sadnesses in our world
we can't stop the
tragedies
we can't stop missing
those we love but see no longer
Sometimes the darkness
seems overwhelming
We have seen tragedies
this past week with murders
and horrors and much
darkness
debates over how to
solve the problems of gun violence
how to address the
problems of mental health
and keeping society
safe.
and we each have our own
darknesses
things that hide deep
within our souls
--------------
It's not possible to turn off the dark
we never know what
someone is going through.
You can’t tell by looking at
someone if they’ve just lost their job
You can’t tell by looking at
someone if they’ve just had a fight with
their spouse and are afraid of the future
You can’t tell if someone is
angry at their kids
Saddened by a sick
friend
Hurt by a lie
Blaming themselves for
hurting someone else because of their carelessness
Grieving the sudden
death of a loved one.
YOU JUST CAN’T TELL.
We don’t often let others into
our world of
Hurts, pains, fears,
"unforgiveness", lies, sorrows
We don’t let them into the
cracks that life has etched into our beings
But these cracks, these
places of vulnerability have amazing potential
They have the potential
to let the light in – if we only have the
courage to let it.
Its like Leonard Cohen
said,
Ring the bells that
still can ring
Forget your perfect
offering
There is a crack in
everything
That's how the light
gets in.
It's not possible to turn off the dark
But it is possible to turn on a light
--------------
Isaiah tells us
"The people who walked in darkness
have seen a great light;
those who lived in a
land of deep darkness
on them light has
shined."
Christ is our light in
the darkness
Christ reminds us that
we don't have to take the world as we see it
that we can change it,
that we can change us
We can choose to walk in
this light that Christ promises us
It's not possible to turn off the dark
But it is possible to turn on a light
light dispels the
darkness
They say in perfect
darkness the human eye can see a single candle flame several miles away
which is good because
sometimes all we can muster within ourselves is the light of a candle
Christ breaks down those
boundaries where only a single candle burns
and makes us realize
that even though all I can do is be the light of a lone candle
When two or three of us
are together,
we are bright enough to
eat by
bring in a few more and
we're bright enough to read by
bring together a whole
community
and we're bright enough
to live by
On this, the eve of
Christmas,
When we prepare to
welcome Christ,
the light of the world
back into our midst, into our hearts and lives
Give some time to think
about where the cracks are in your life.
In your relationships
In your families
In your friendships?
Who is it you need to
forgive?
Who is it you need to
hug
Who is it you need to
laugh with
Who is it you need to
reach out to?
So even if one of our
candles is burning a little lower today
with your help
with all your help
and through the light of
God who loves us more than we can ask or imagine.....
we are not only bright
enough to live by,
we have the love and
hope and joy of this little baby of light
born within us over and
over
giving us courage and
compassion
For the light does shine in the darkness
and the darkness has not..... will not.... and CANNOT overcome it
Thanks
be to God
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