Peace

My Nana used to read my blog. I could tell when she visited, because I’d always get an email wondering why I hadn’t written more. Wondering what was going on in my life, and just generally saying hello. It’s strange to know that what I write here today will not generate an email from her. That she won’t be asking me to send her my sermon on Sunday afternoon. That next time I visit my parents and pick up the phone with my usual ‘hello’ I won’t hear ‘Oh Kristen… is your father there?’ She never said hello – it was one of her quirks. She’d never say hello to whomever answered the phone… and would always chuckle when my response to her question of my father’s whereabouts was ‘hi Nana… I’m fine, how are you?’ But that’s just how she was. It’s hard to use the past tense, I don’t like it, but I won’t have any other memories of her to add to my shelves. Those are all past tense. About things she did, things we did, things we all did together. Her 91st Birthday is 11 days from today. I’ll be spending the morning doing crafts at a VBS with kids from the local churches. The afternoon I’ll probably do some visiting. But in the evening, I’ll be up in this far away place, by myself, wishing I was again surrounded by my little family, watching Nana blow out the candles and laughing as she reverses her age and says she’s 19 again. So I’ll feel sorry for myself then, but for her, I’m glad. She told me how lonely she’s been since her husband died – it had been almost 45 years that she lived alone. 45 years of missing the one she thought she would be spending the rest of her life with. In her words – I’m not to be sad for her, for she has gone to be with her sisters, her parents, all her friends that she outlived, and especially, most specially, with her husband, whom she missed so dearly, and loved so deeply.

So I pray again the words I used at her memorial service; Rest eternal grant to her O Lord and let light perpetual shine upon her. May her soul and the souls of all the departed rest in peace.

I love you nana, and I miss you.